How To Recognize Shame is the Enemy

Posted on October 30, 2015 by Cheryl Hanson

During early November, we all remember our Veterans by solemnly remembering their service on Veteran’s Day, and during this day, our veterans are quietly suffering with Shame.  The emotion is powerful and exquisitely dangerous, because it is a trickster of mass proportions.  This emotion can drive violence, anger, depression, suffering for both Veteran and Family, but hiding underneath resulting negative action.   The idea is complex, and for this reason there are many people who do not understand what is a foot, and how to deal with the emotion of the returning Veteran.  Without proper medical attention, the results of Shame can impact every single person that the Veteran comes in contact with each day.

Shame is the Underlying Oedipus of Anger

family of soldier enlistmentTo understand why Shame is the leading focus of Anger, which rules the emotional edge of most negative experiences by human beings, remember that human beings are emotional creatures, restricted to a process of finding blame, and there are denial of inerrant problems within shame are actually to blame.

There are a lot of ideas in this sentence!

The Basic idea of shame treatment, will entail looking at symptoms of emotional struggle, and accepting that they are present. Observe and reflect. Become aware.  Stop and Listen. When awareness of emotional struggle begins, we can begin steps to try to observe the moment of emotion and accept that struggle.  Often, the struggle is not our fault; but a karma of sorts.  Sometimes, it is a fault in our stars, or a whim of chance, where we start blaming ourselves for the bad actions we do not accept, and ultimately place all problems within ourselves. We are simply too hard on ourselves, and do not accept that we are not to blame.   The key to solving the symptoms of our shame, is to understand simply it is there and that it exists.

Shame leads to Addiction

Sometimes, self soothing techniques that result in addiction are linked to shame, and the blame we place on ourselves underneath our emotional symptoms.  Symptoms never need a solution.  They are not the problem.  The disease is the problem.  And, in most addict’s history, shame is the disease. If you repeat that your symptoms of gaining weight, being angry, using drugs, drinking alcohol, shoplifting, gambling, hoarding or collecting, patterning action (OCD),  habit devotion, shopping, sports compulsion, or any other kind of incessant activity that takes you away from a full and happy life, you are covering shame.

Shame is the one thing, that will be insistent for your perfection. It will not allow you to make mistakes.  It requests your constant need to stay focused on impossible tasks.   It will cause you to lose your emotional strength, and lose resolve to your most enjoyable symptoms of soothing.  If you find yourself being overwhelmed, allowing yourself to regret, and lose emotional control in life, watch out for the temptation to shop, spend, eat, drink, sleep, lounge, or fire off angry words.  You will be the victim of your shame.  Shame breaks all your attempts to a full and happy life.  It is the one thing, that will not allow you to live as you are hoping to live.

With Veteran’s there is much shame and regret in the past actions of war and warfare.  No need to explain, we all want to allow space for our Veteran’s to live, and try to evolve from the stories of loss that they all have live through.  Nothing can change what occurred, but there is a way to observe the past, without losing the present.

Vulnerability Whips Shame into Submission

With a quick kick, a small moment of quiet vulnerable admissions, you will squelch Shame into a corner.  From there, you can try to find courage, the same courage that led you forward into service, and stop the incessant emotion from eroding your life.  You deserve the best in life, as a Veteran.  And, with the baggage of war, you have seen more than your share of Shameful activity.  You can feel its sticky resolve to ruin you.  You know what you did-you may regret it;  (you may still need to say that out loud)but that vulnerability will lead you into the cave of love.  There is no better effect of dealing with addiction, and hurt.  Stop letting shame get away with murder, and plot away at your strength.  Be courageous, by showing your vulnerable side.  You may not have done it right; you made mistakes.  Tell someone.  Not everything, but tell someone something.  Shame lives and breathes in silence and in secret.

You will not be able to show the innovative, adaptable, creative person that you are once again, if you let shame depend on your silence.  Shame cannot live in vulnerability. When you say, I made a mistake, you are being vulnerable.  You will be showing Shame, I am not hiding from you.  It will not be powerful any longer.  Saying you hurt, saying you are afraid, saying you messed up, will leave Shame cowering in the dark.  Please try one thing this Veteran’s day; speak out, and say, I am in pain.

 

 

 

Posted in Addiction | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Finding Peace In Times of Grief

Posted on October 20, 2013 by Cheryl Hanson

During our hardest moments in life, finding peace is the hardest thing we can do to begin a good and just new future.  Even when things are particularly unfair, and it seems like everyone is against us, a moment of the present, in a kind way, will be a blessing.  If you are experiencing sadness, regret, feelings of loss, you are experiencing a normal process of grief.  Grief is often misunderstood, as people sometimes think it is just about death.  Not always, as it sometimes can be about a reaction to loss and lack of control.  In order to experience calm, you must try to stay in the moment in order to exist by finding peace.

Finding peace in life comes from Acceptance

If this is seems like a bunch of goofy fluffy new age stuff, you are right.  But fortunately for you, I am not that person.  I have lived through the loss of many lives, with my experiences of the past.  Whether you are a father/mother, a sister/brother or a husband/wife of a soldier, you have my respect and admiration.  Your kindness and support has made our country safer and wiser.  You are just as much a solider as your serving /daughter/son, brother/sister, or wife/husband.  And, this does not breach sexism in any way shape or form, for our female soldiers are even more powerful than people know, because they give up the same family moments that our sons have done for years; whether at home or in the field.  The good thing is with my respect of you, and the warranted respect of others to your credible actions as a soldier, we can be the better civilian force that our country needs.

Moving forward is the key, and that means accepting any challenge that comes to you as a civilian, and finding peace comes with sometimes simply letting go.  Accept the pact that you are not perfect.  Accept that you lost friends in the field.  No amount of recant on your part will bring them back.  Accept that you did good, no matter the outcome.  Find a way to move towards finding peace, by letting go.  Lose the power that you think you have by holding on to the past and things you think you had control of.  You really didn’t in the end.

New Age of Finding Peace Comes Slowly

Grief comes in many forms, and often revolves into anger, especially when you do not accept the fact that your loss is real.  Sometimes trying to push through, and enlist a toughness of not finding peace, feels empowering.  You are superman, and you can become better than any regretful soldier from the past.  No matter that you are experiencing panic attacks, loss of emotional control with those you love, or sadness that takes over your life.  You are often in denial during these early days, and find that your life is lower than your life as a soldier.  Civilian life sucks, you tell yourself, and you can’t move forward unless you go back to the core.  You rein-list and quite possibly, you go back, only to discover the times in the field are better, but still the regret of loss exists, and finding peace sometimes still doesn’t come.

Never mind that all the smartest people you know have watched you with caring eyes, and seen the truth.  Your feelings of loss, of grief are real, and if you do not accept them, you will be in a place of hurt until you do. Why not accept that which you cannot control?  Find yourself by accepting the facts of loss, and yes you have lost a friend, a war companion, or even a limb.  The thing that you lost during the battle could be your pride.  You made an error in judgement, that still to  this day sucks you into a frenzy of pain.  Allow it it be my friend.  Allow it time.  Once you do, and accept that you had no business in stopping it, that you were meant to experience it, you are on your way to finding peace.

Now that you let go you are finding peace

The beauty of this little trip is that it never ends.  By acceptance, you can evolve this trick into so many things in your life.  The fact that you accept when bad things happen, and that you release yourself from your choice to try to control your outcome, you are going to be able to allow finding peace.  It is a beautiful thing!  Our beauty of connecting will others is established, we are released from ultimate responsibility when it was not ours to control, and we are better able to find positive gains for humanity.  As as soldier, you can accept that you have been the best force to bring your country into the life of each day, by simply finding peace.

 

Posted in Returning Home | Leave a comment

Dogs and PTSD

Posted on March 12, 2013 by Cheryl Hanson

Post traumatic stress disorder or PTSD in dogs has now been diagnosed.  In the changes of the recent surge and in the war in Afghanistan and Iraq, warrior dogs have seen their fair share of bombing experience and war.  With this new realization, the hope is that PTSD in dogs is tracked in the future, and the data of their struggle with the stress of war lost.

PTSD in Dogs Symptoms Similar to Human PTSD Symptoms

With the triggers of the noise and confusion of the battlefield, stress is the result, as the human nervous system is not built for such variances and physical demands.  Our canine companions, are similar, as they need the same environment as we do, where our bodies are not in a fight or flight pattern 24/7.  With canines, they are a pack animal as well, and the constant sole partnership they experience with humans is beneficial, but without a pack of sorts, they often feel lost and isolated.

Warrior dogs experience PTSD in dogs more than other dogs of other working conditions, as they are often paired with multiple human handlers.  The problem begins with this transition at the initial outlay from one master to another.  Then, with no real time to begin a new relationship, the action of being a warrior dog commences, and the stresses of war.

PTSD in Dogs Symptoms

  • Anger or malace
  • Distraction
  • Constant Panting or Turning in place
  • Jumping at loud noises
  • Running from the noise of a tool or electronic device
  • Concentration on Hearing Noises-Being Aware of Danger to Come
  • Lack of rest and sleep
  • Constant barking or whining
  • Unable to enter a car or truck without coaching

All of these symptoms are similar to human symptoms, but do not offer us a communication to these warrior dogs.  They may be reliving a stressful event where a partner in war has died or been wounded, or just the noise and struggle of the changes of war.  Variability of dealing with the action of war, causes more stress, as it creates a need to remain in fight or flight mode constantly.

PTSD in dogs can be trained to a manageable place with a little work and persistence.  Dogs are live in the moment creatures, and do not suffer from long term memory issues.   Unlike humans, PTSD in dogs is not as much an emotional stress-er, where humans seem to struggle with emotional charged memories.  With dogs, a memory which resulted in PTSD, can be easily trained through with daily correction and love.

PTSD in dogs becomes less and less

Work through your issues with PTSD like your warrior dog may problem solve, and you may have an edge when the time comes to deal with the stress once again.  With removal from the environment, and a realization that the human bond will not be broken again, a dog can find resolution to PTSD.

A solider in action sees the same kind of stressors, and can result in a positive gain with repetition of positive actions and thoughts following our canine friends advice.

  • Stay in the Moment
  • Do not let a memory control your concentration
  • Follow your love of your life with compassion and respect
  • Learn to live again without the responsibility of flight or flight

With these small steps, you may find an edge when your really need it.  Working through the PTSD in dogs issue, it is important that we do keep records of warrior dogs that show signs, and show improvement.  This will be encouraging for our soliders in action, and show that PTSD in dogs is not a death sentence.

 

 

 

Posted in Standing Down | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Returning Home and Finding Rest Can Be Difficult : Nightmares with PTSD and PTSD Treatment

Posted on March 10, 2012 by Cheryl Hanson

Our solider is suffering from PTSD, Nightmares with PTSD, and often needs PTSD Treatment. The American Solider is a proud member of our society, with so much to offer us all, and when our amazing solider comes back home, and tries to recover from the wounds of war, finding rest can be difficult. Your new life back home as a civilian is going to be different for you as a returning soldier, but it does not mean there are not good resources for you as a returning solider back from Iraq or  Afghanistan.

Nightmares and PTSD Treatment

American Solider PTSD Treatment Starts with Your Doctor

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD often results from a series of stress related events or one violent event in a person’s life.  Victims of rape, robbery, muggings or even civilians in times of civil disorder or war often experience post-traumatic stress disorder.  PTSD treatment involves talk therapy, a combination of nutrition review, job assistance, medical and pharmaceutical assistance.  The symptoms involve lack of concentration, inability to remain restful, and loss of sleep.  The constant stress levels of sufferers of PTSD are increased cancer risks, heart disease, and brain and memory risk factors.

Stress is a built in survival instinct in all mammals, and exists from our early evolutionary days, as a primitive hunter and gather society.  When something was after you, it usually meant life or death, and your adrenal gland will emit hormones to help you run faster, react better, in effect to survive.  The problem is, memories associated with such stressful events, are often stored, in the brain, near and in connection with the adrenal gland.  This direct link, to stressful memories, keeps a direct switch to your hormones, and keeps stress a constant whenever that hormone is emitted.

This is a simplistic description of the stress that we all feel and react to each day, but new stress is often paired with existing stress memories.  The memories of the past, are often related to new experiences in your brain, and this pairing can keep that moment (when you fought an enemy solider, when a mortar blew up near your squadron, when you dodged a sniper, when you out ran a gunfight) right with you as you prepare for the next job interview.  The stress of the past moment, can be instantly, and very powerfully paired to your civilian challenges of family life, work, and adapting back into a less regimented life.

The new treatment for PTSD is a simple solution, to allow you to rest, and let your new memories not be paired with the older stress filled emotional stress memories.  PTSD treatment often involves a series of doctor visits, and continual exercise.  The best natural cleanser of emotion in the brain is exercise, and the next, is relaxing and refreshing sleep. Experiencing nightmares is often a inhibitor of relaxing sleep cycles, and finding a good treatment to improve on these sleep cycles has been found.  The drug that is found to be effective, is prazosin.  This drug works to inhibit the connection of your adrenal gland to your new memories, and assist you to not find your old memories as a danger or stress point as well.  The combination of this drug, with another drug, propranolol, works with talk therapy, to suppress the stress triggers of your adrenal gland, by blocking the direct connection of the stress hormones that the adrenal gland, and others produce.  The hot emotions you felt at the time of the mortar attack, with the drugs, good rest, and talk therapy, will reduce these memories to a moment in time, not a new emotional stress feeling, each time you remember them.

Why Nightmares Are Important to Reduce with PTSD Treatment

As discussed previously, we are best in our emotional state with good sleep patterns, and exercise.  When we exercise, our brains recharge.  The hormones in our brain reset themselves, and we can handle stress more effectively.  Every centenarian has a simple but effective exercise habit, as this is not just for your heart and other muscles, but for your brain as well.  The other important habit is having a good sleep cycle each night.

When you experience constant nightmares, and wake in a panic with the memories of the stress of the past battle, you are in effect there at the battle again.  The exact same hormones that were created by your adrenal gland in your brain, are now recreated to replicate the moment of your past.  Even new nightmares, can draw on the past stress, and links are created.  The danger here is that new experiences can all be traced back, in your brain, to the one stressful event, and the sooner you are able to stop this spider web of traceability back to your stress event, the better you will be able to deal with that drive to work each day.

Rest is important for your brain, and without the 15 minutes of REM sleep you need each night, and the quiet of your 8 hours of sleep, you cannot find relief from your PTSD symptoms.  PTSD Treatment is complicated, but the two direct connections, of past stress events, and new events, needs to be stopped with medicine, talk therapy and medical attention.

PTSD Treatment is Best with Help From Your Doctor

There is no magic bullet on PTSD Treatment, but you can find relief with good exercise.  The simple step of exercise each day, will be a great step for you.  As well, limit your sugar and starch intake, and eat nutritious and healthy food.  Your heart will thank you for this.  Keep your general outlook on life positive, with good friends, family and positive people all around you.  You are the master of your domain, with help with positive effects from healthy living.

Adopt a good plan with your VA and your doctor.  Please be sure to find your PTSD treatment with guidance with your doctor, as only you and your doctor can ensure that any medicine or medicine plan is right for you.

Posted in Standing Down | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

How to Remove Post Traumatic Stress From Your Civilian Life

Posted on February 4, 2012 by Cheryl Hanson

Returning back to your civilian life and schedule can be a difficult task for the solider and their family and friends, especially when post traumatic stress is a factor.  The adjustment should be a happy one for you as a returning soldier, but usually the return is exactly the opposite.  All the emotions you needed to hold tight, keep hidden, and not express, are waiting for this time, and these emotions will rear their ugly heads upon your return back home.

Post Traumatic Stress is All about Emotion

PTSD, or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is the disease that has a long history through time.  The earliest recorded sufferers of PTSD were in the wars in the frontier areas of America.    When fighting the Native American Populations for the immoral natural selection of North American Land, the soldiers returned home with nervousness, and often mental challenges.  The yellow fever was often blamed for this result, but no one correctly linked the violence or killing that really caused this emotional trauma.  These solders were the first to experience the emotional challenges of post traumatic stress.

History of Post Traumatic Stress

Post Traumatic Stress is Real

Knowing more about the history of post traumatic stress is a good way to understand how many people have actually suffered from this terrible disease.  Through the years, the increase in mental challenges for soldiers, increased the emotional exhaustion that these warriors felt.  The increase in military exercises from the frontier days, to the Civil War, were good evidence that post traumatic stress existed upon the soldier’s return.  During the 1920’s, both the veteran’s of America’s most bloody war, The Civil War, and World War I, were found to have the mental exhaustion, that resulted from war.  The Woodrow Wilson Administration linked the mental exhaustion to war, and labeled the disease as “Shell Shock”.

This term tried to explain the complete lack of society influence, mental clarity, and general malaise that these war veteran’s felt.  Many led themselves to live outside of their family, finding themselves unable to cope and to work.  They lived in public places, and the emotional refuse of these wars ended up living the national parks in Washington D.C., and in Central Park in New York City.

Later, in the 1970’s the Vietnam War yielded its own victims to these same areas, and all of us remember seeing a Vietnam Veteran in a wheelchair in a park at some point.  Today, they are now our proud soldiers who built Iraq, and fought in Afghanistan.  Notice that even though we have given the disease a respectable name, it is still closer to the original description of “Shell Shock”.

Emotion during war has not been addressed, as it is a time of stress, and during war, life is on a thin line.  Every soldier knows what it is like to find themselves in a safe place, but reaching still for their gun, when someone drops a book or a heavy object.  No emotion can be exhibited during war, as it means the soldier is putting themselves and others at risk.  For this reason, a soldier can go years with guard on full throttle, waiting for the next bomb to drop.  Emotional digression is not acceptable, and can only result in pure moments of bliss.  Unfortunately, this is the exact time you and your family have been waiting for; your return back home.

Drama will not help Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

As you moved through your maneuvers as a soldier, the thing that was leading you forward was the fact you would be returning home soon.  Then when you meet this goal, the realities of how to come back to civilian life are very tricky.  There is a lot of regime and schedule in military life, and some soldiers upon their return find themselves following the time schedule as best they can to continue this new level of normalcy.

The soldier’s family can find this incredibily stressful and they can’t believe their loved one is so ingrained into military life.  They mistakenly believe that their soldier can “Turn off” the military conditioning, with a smart and quick decision.  This can be dangerous, as a gradual transition is more advantageous.  For this reason, it is wise to take part in any effort the military tries in a transition for the family and the soldier.

Continue with a gradual return to civilian life, cut the drama from each day as much as possible, and create a static and regime that will work for both you and your soldier.  Post Traumatic Stress is often very eruptive and can result in emotional battles between the family and the soldier.  If you need time to understand how this process works, be sure to visit a local support group before your soldier returns home.  The drama of civilian life can sometimes be too much for the emotionally charged soldier, so a brief time transition can give the soldier the resources they need to move forward.

Post Traumatic Stress is something almost every soldier experiences, so patience and support is the best medicine.

Posted in Returning Home, Standing Down | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Resources

Posted on February 3, 2011 by Cheryl Hanson

Some Great Resources for Your Return to Civilian Life

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

PTSD Support

Posted on January 15, 2011 by Cheryl Hanson

PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, has been with us with every war.  Until only recently, have we seen it as a medical condition.  There is nothing wrong with getting treatment for this disorder.  Not only do soldiers get it on the front lines, but those who treat soldiers, will be affected.  Our soldiers who come home, need to know we are with them, and look forward to helping them recover as much as they can.  They will always be the soldiers who came home, will have regrets and memories, and we need to be patient to allow them time to adjust with those ideas.  They will always have the changes, always be heroes and soldiers, and why would we want to change who they are?  We just need to understand what is happening, and help.

Posted in Standing Down | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Finding your Way at Home

Posted on January 14, 2011 by Cheryl Hanson

Your duty has ended, and a new day has dawned on you.  They give you your walking papers, and you feel a bit overwhelmed.  You have had to forget your dreams and visions for so long, it is hard to imagine what life was before you became a soldier.  You are not alone, and you should know these feelings are normal.  It is not an easy transition, and one that will take some time.

No Time to Lose

What if you have limited funds, and you are not going to last long with what you left the military with?  What will you do to survive.  Here are some ideas, and make swift moves to take them on, if you have some financial issues.

  • Join a Volunteer Organization to Help Homeless Vets:  They are everywhere in the country, and need your expert advice and experience.  The possibility of helping and serving again, will pull you out of your slump.
  • Look into School Near Home:  Staying at home can be a challenge, especially when you are used to order and constant follow through in your life.  Often others in your family, will be looking to you to lead now, and you will have to remember the challenges your commanding officers faced, and take them to heart here.  The roles may be reversed, but you have the strength and the power to survive.
  • Join a Karate or Security Team:  Your admirable security skills will do you well in helping people realize goals of becoming more secure at home.  There are many people who want to learn how to use their mind and their bodies to learn the martial arts, or need a security professional for their business.  You can be sure you will be called to many events and social arenas for your skills you learned as a Soldier.
  • Use your cooking skills for good:  Often times, you have been called to serve in the operational areas of the military.  You have many great skills, and you should be able to find a great place to utility them.  This can get you going until you are sure what you want to do with your dreams and goals.

There are many areas in civilian life where your talents are necessary, and you can find a great outlet quickly, and effectively if you motivate, continue to move forward, and stay positive in your mindset.  Do not let yourself down.

Posted in Standing Down | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

New Help for Soldiers

Posted on January 11, 2011 by Cheryl Hanson

The new war era we are in is most likely going to last for a few more years.  The politics of nuclear weapons, oil, and other tragic events surrounding areas of disturbance, will keep our American Soldiers on foreign soil for a few more years.  The key to keeping our soldiers focused and strong is support.  The best way is to do it on the internet.

You will see a great new forum on this site, and it is brand new as of today.  I believe that our soldier’s should have the ability to connect with each other when they return, when they are about to depart, and when they are in battle.

There is no reason that family and friends can not contribute, share great resources, and send messages of love and encouragement.  If you have a soldier who has returned, encourage them to reach out, and they will find great support here.

Posted in Standing Down | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

America the Beautiful

Posted on January 9, 2011 by Cheryl Hanson

You are our hero, and it is because of you that we can live in peace and some harmony.  We are able to voice our opinions, find our voices, and speak out against what we think is unfair or unjust.  We have you to thank for this great honor.

When you joined service, chances are you were supported to really consider this task and the amount of challenges in being a serviceman or servicewoman.  You have the opportunity to be the strong person in your family, and many of you should have other family members who served as well.  We all are indebted to you for your great sacrifice.  It is not lightly that we should find you, shake your hand, and thank you for giving so much for our safety.

As the world gets larger in population, it also gets smaller with great communication tools, and with many areas for information and shared tools of news.  And, there is a lot of missing information that is not available.  One area, is there is not a lot of areas for communicating stories and issues that returning soldiers have.

I hope you feel welcome enough, to share your story, and how you are doing right at this moment.  There are many soldiers returning, and as well, heading back to battle.  We all need to send them our support.

Posted in Standing Down | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment